When you share your kids online, who benefits?
Every parent thinks their kid is the cutest, myself included. It’s very tempting to want to put pictures of them on social media - after all, what is so wrong with a proud parent posting photos of their pride and joy? A couple thoughts come to mind:
Nothing is wrong with sharing photos of your children. As long as you are sharing with their privacy in mind, recognizing that they are unable to consent to the sharing of their photos online.
Rarely do people step back and think about *why* they are sharing their child(ren) online. Is it for the parent’s own validation? What benefit does it have to the child?
The digital age has fundamentally reshaped the way we share family life, blurring the lines between private and public in unprecedented ways. As social media becomes deeply ingrained in daily routines, parents increasingly share intimate details and images of their children online. While this practice is often driven by love, pride, and a desire to connect, it raises crucial questions about privacy, consent, and the long-term well-being of those least able to protect themselves - our children.
One immediate beneficiary of sharing children's lives online is often the parents themselves. Social platforms offer a powerful sense of community and validation. Sharing milestones, funny anecdotes, and adorable photos can elicit "likes," comments, and a feeling of connection with friends, family, and even broader online communities. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with this very human desire to connect and share, and it’s one of the things the social media age has enabled for us all (including my ability to write to you on a platform like this). But we must take a more nuanced, intentional approach when it comes to sharing kids online.
Unintended Consequences
The digital footprint created for children carries profound implications. Personal information, from names and birthdates to locations and daily routines, can be pieced together, potentially exposing children to unintended situations. While the majority of online interactions are benign, the permanent nature of digital content means that images or information, once shared, are incredibly difficult to fully erase. Even after 10+ years of working in digital identity, I don’t fully understand how to erase a digital footprint. I don’t think it’s possible. This raises serious concerns about potential misuse, such as identity theft or unwanted attention, that could impact a child's safety, mental health, and future opportunities.
In a world of ever-better deepfakes, consider what could happen when photos and videos of your child are easily obtainable. Could someone create a deepfake of them, doing something horrible? We still don’t have great methods of proving if something is real or fake online, so how will you prove that it is indeed fake? I honestly hate to think of this being reality, but we must be realistic and acknowledge the possible consequences at stake.
What decisions will be made about your child, whether now or in the future, because of their digital footprint? There’s more at risk here than just targeted advertising. Bits and pieces from our digital footprint are being put together to inform insurance premiums, immigration decisions, and what content your child will be shown. As I said in this post about the algorithm:
I don’t want my worldview, my digital existence, etc shoved down my throat based on what big tech thinks will make me engage.
Isn’t this also true for our kids? Do we want their worldview shaped by what we shared about them online when they were young? If we think the algorithm has us perfectly targeted, and we’ve only been publicly online for the past 10 years or so, what will it be like for our kids, who have been profiled by Meta or similar since they were born?
Too little, too late for sharenting celebrities
The growing phenomenon of "family vlogging" and child influencing has brought these concerns into sharper focus, with some high-profile cases demonstrating the potential for severe harm. In a widely publicized case, Ruby Franke, a mother who gained a large following on YouTube for her "8 Passengers" family vlogging channel, was recently sentenced to prison on child abuse charges. Investigations revealed that the children featured in her monetized content were subjected to severe abuse and neglect. This case, among others, has ignited public debate and prompted legislative action in some states, such as Utah, to better protect child influencers by establishing trust funds for their earnings and giving them the right to request the removal of content once they are adults. Similarly, the "FamilyOFive" channel faced criminal charges for "prank" videos that depicted the physical and emotional abuse of their children. These incidents underscore the extreme risks that can arise when the pursuit of online fame and profit overshadows a child's well-being and fundamental rights. I don’t have faith that the law is quick enough to protect kids here. It is too little, too late for the kids who grew up as social media “celebrities” and are now dealing with the consequences. Shari Franke (daughter of Ruby)’s book is an amazing read on the damages she and her siblings incurred while growing up in front of YouTube.
How to share intentionally
For all of the bad, there is still so much good in being able to share children online, to the right audience. Back in the 90’s, my mom had to send physical photo prints to my grandparents in the mail in order to share. Now, family can stay up to date with the kids on the order of minutes, not days or weeks.
When it comes to sharing kids online, a thoughtful and deliberate approach is essential. This includes:
Prioritize Privacy: Regularly reviewing privacy settings on social media platforms and being selective about who can view shared content. Consider sharing on dedicated photo sharing sites, like iCloud, rather than social media.
Consider the Child's Perspective: Ask, "Would my child be comfortable with this being public when they are older?" and respecting their wishes as they mature.
Seek Consent (When Possible): Involve children in decisions about what is shared online and empowering them to shape their own digital narrative.
Minimize Identifiable Information: Limit the sharing of specific locations, daily routines, or highly personal details that could be used to identify or track a child.
Educate Yourselves and Your Children: Stay informed about online safety and engage in open conversations with children about responsible digital citizenship. A couple resources I really like for this:
By embracing a more mindful and deliberate approach to sharing, parents can harness the positive aspects of digital connection while safeguarding their children's privacy, fostering trust, and empowering them to navigate their own digital journey as they grow. The stakes are high, but with thoughtful consideration and a child-centric focus, families can navigate the digital playground in a way that truly has the best outcomes for the whole family.
I have had this thought many times around this topic. I'm glad I'm not the only one, but something about someone else putting it out there makes it scarier:
"What decisions will be made about your child, whether now or in the future, because of their digital footprint? There’s more at risk here than just targeted advertising. Bits and pieces from our digital footprint are being put together to inform insurance premiums, immigration decisions, and what content your child will be shown. As I said in this post about the algorithm:
I don’t want my worldview, my digital existence, etc shoved down my throat based on what big tech thinks will make me engage.
Isn’t this also true for our kids? Do we want their worldview shaped by what we shared about them online when they were young? If we think the algorithm has us perfectly targeted, and we’ve only been publicly online for the past 10 years or so, what will it be like for our kids, who have been profiled by Meta or similar since they were born?"